Slender Man Movie Review

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The hardest part about watching Slender Man, for me, is having to sit down and write about it now. Don’t get me wrong, the watching of the movie was not fun in any way, shape, or form. I am having a hard time wrapping my head around the individual parts of this movie because there really weren’t any. It was one big confusing mess that director Sylvain White cobbled together from writing duo David Birke and Slender Man character creator Victor Surge.

If you want to watch Slender Man, please consider renting or purchasing the movie through this amazon link to help us support the podcast.

This thing is rough.

Not redeemable, not enjoyable, not so bad that it’s good, just bad in the same way as when you realize you have explosive diarrhea – there is no good time for it, and you just wish it never happened.

Slender Man (the character) was created in 2009 by Victor Surge and has been featured in thousands of creepypasta stories, videos, video games, and movies since his creation. He’s an abnormally tall looking humanoid figure who has elongated legs and arms, wears a suit, and who often shows up in the woods to torment or abduct kids.

In 2014 there was a stabbing in Wisconsin where some pre-teen girls stabbed their peer 19 times in the woods to try to appease the fictional, woods-dwelling slenderest of men…they are both serving lengthy periods in mental health facilities for their heinous act. The victim survived. All this to say, Slender Man has taken on some pretty serious folklore and followings among the youth of America.

This movie is rated PG-13 and aims to target to youth of America, and dear sweet jeebus help us all if this thing gets through to them. Not because I’m worried that they will commit horrible acts, but because if they liked this movie I would lose all faith in our future.

My Rating

2/10

Like Movies About Kids Fighting Evil? Check Out Our Review of IT (2017)

Spoilers: The Rundown

There is nothing to be spoiled in this movie because most of it is impossible to follow. You would do much better to listen to the podcast for the rundown, but here it goes anyway.

Here is every Slender Man appearance in the whole movie:

Four teenage girls learn about Slender Man. Knowing about Slender Man is enough to infect them with Slender Man-itis. He haunts their dreams, and causes them to see him everywhere. One by one they are picked off by this skinny boi until only one or two are left. They try to fight against him but his tall, thin frame is too much for them to resist – they all eventually die?

I’m not sure what happened in this movie, honestly, I am still confused.

How Slender Man Stacks Up

It does not stack up.

This movie takes being bad very seriously. There was no point where I was scared, except for about 15 minutes into it when I realize I had an hour and 15 to go. If you want a real scare involving Slender Man, look up some of the top tier creepypasta that has been written about him.

Please, do not support this movie.

May Slender Man take mercy on our souls for creating this abomination.

Agree or disagree? Let us know! Episodes include Unfriended: Dark Web and The Devil’s Doorway. Check out our latest blog about how slashers killed horror and why good horror is on it’s way back

If you want to watch this movie please consider renting or purchasing the movie through this amazon link to help us support the podcast.